I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
