Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
