if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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