Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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