Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
