Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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