one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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