When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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