We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
