i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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