I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
