So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
