My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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