Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
