God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
