GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
