theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
