Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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