id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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