He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
