Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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