hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Randomize
