You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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