I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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