just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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