So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
