I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
