If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
