So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
