if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
