singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
