She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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