on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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