That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
