sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
