This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize