My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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