The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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