what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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