hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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