How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
