Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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