$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
