...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
