Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Help me help you realize you are a moron
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
