so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
