I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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