Cold hands, warm shart.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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