and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
