I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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