if you like me you must not know who I am
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
