I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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