i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
