I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
