How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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