A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i barfeds in our rink
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
