Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
