i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
