My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I die, sorry about rent.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
