he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
