Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I looked at my own cervix.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Randomize
