R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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