no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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