fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize