and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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