Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
