Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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