I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
