Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
