I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
